I'm sure we've all been down that road where we find ourself in a relationship with someone so amazing, so perfect, so beautifully packaged waiting just for you. Regardless if you've been in one relationship or many, some couples never really get to discuss or fully analyze their feelings for one another in the relationship. Doing some thinking in hindsight, I've looked back at relationships (official and unofficial), and I find myself pondering on who "loved" or who "adored" the other more in the relationship. See, if I was keeping score realistically speaking, I think I would have a couple tallies by my name, and only one tally by the other person in the relationship in terms of who loved or adored the other more. And when I keep on pondering, I try to see if I can figure it out in other people's relationships from the outside.
See, truth of the matter is, there is ALWAYS one person who will love/adore the other person more in a romantic relationship. I say love and/or adore because sometimes it's an infatuation in the situation rather than true love, or it's still a stage of adoration that never got to to become love. If I was to discuss this situation with someone else, I believe that some would agree that's the case, and some would say it actually becomes equal. I on one hand may never know if it becomes equal because I've never been in one where it has been *sad face*. Aside from that one stray tally by that one guy who just seemed to be so head over heels for me (and I broke his heart sadly), I've been the one to love and adore more.
I've always been a sucker for love, especially being a Libra I crave companionship. I never saw the fun side to being single and having "fun" so to speak. I love meeting someone I can relate, love, care, and adore. I've been in no more than 5 relationships, only two official, and even in the two legit relationships, I loved the other person more. With one, it was never really spoken about, but with the second, it was not unspoken or "the elephant in the room". He knew that I loved and cared for him more, and he often time warned me against making him priority. Of course at times it would seem that I put him first, and my world gravitated around his, but obviously I didn't intentionally do it.
Since clearly I know too much about sharing my heart like it's the last slice, I wanted to express the way that I feel about those situations that often go unspoken in a relationship. If you are the one who loves more, or even if you feel like you are but not sure, I want you to know that it is OKAY. The reason why it is okay, and trust me when I say I've thought about it for a long time to justify the way I feel, is that we have a raw, beautiful, genuine love that only deserving people should ever get to feel. We hold a gift that so many people want in a relationship. The problem of course is when our gift is given to someone undeserving, someone who doesn't deserve to feel the love we have to offer. The even bigger problem is when we can't sort out those bad seeds ourselves, and our love is often abused. Giving someone such unconditional and beautiful love is something that is craved by many, but often times once they receive love like that, does not know what to do with it. Some can't handle a love like that either. And others just want to use it against us.
You will feel the tension of being that person, the person with the gift to love so freely when you argue, when you fight, when tensions are high, when it comes to missing the other person, when it comes to how far you're willing to go. I can't tell you how many times I wished and prayed for someone to love me the way I am able to love them. Unfortunately I've always stumbled upon people that protect their hearts first, and then choose the relationship, so they are always the one who get to reap the benefits of being with someone with that gift of love. It would be so nice sometimes to be missed more, rather than miss someone more, or loved more. Sometimes I think how nice it would be to have someone run back to me more than I run back to them. Sometimes I just want to feel more love and affection than what I give off in love and affection.
But if you're that person who is the one is WITH someone who loves like Cupid, or someone more comfortable with opening up and showing adoration, I encourage you to never let them go. Always strive to try and be as good or better than them at loving and showing how much you care. It's never a competition, but you should never be content with knowing that they love you more. If you are, then you need to find someone that will give you the love that YOU deserve. I do feel that one day we will receive the love that we deserve, and it may not be in our time, but in His time. Don't allow that person to feel that you're love will eventually grow for them when you know deep down it never will. That's giving them false hope. We should never settle for someone that makes us feel as if they can leave tomorrow, but implies they know you would never be able to. One day someone will love them just as well or even better than they are able to love. If you are scared to love, or hesitant to open up, if you feel like you can't offer the love that a person needs, step aside and let someone else do the job for you. If you are putting in 50, don't be selfish and take from someone continuously giving you 100. Always remember, if you aren't doing you're job right, there is always someone else that will. Act right, or get left!
It sucks sometimes when things don't work out in a relationship, but someone older once told me that eventually in the relationship you grow to love each other equally. I hope thats true because I know love is a lot of things, but it should never be mediocre. Be with someone who makes you love to love. Someone who makes you WANT to love. And even if you're with someone who you know isn't on that level with you, if you feel they are trying their hardest to love you like you love them, then stay with them. Help them grow to love like how you know how to love. Loving hard should never feel like a curse. If it ever makes you feel that way, then you're showing that to the wrong person. To feel everything so deeply is a blessing and a curse, and love is no exception.
Best of luck,
Cassandra <3
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